World of Sexual Perversions

Sometimes callers can tell you very unusual and oftentimes humorous stories about sexual escapades from their past. Many have described using everyday items that certainly were not sex toys, but they were using them as such. One regular caller that’s a favorite of mine told me he used to use a giant floor vase to masturbate with. I can honestly say I’d never heard of anything like that before in all my years doing this work. He said the top of it was just big enough to fit his cock into and he’d fuck the vase.

He’d sandwich it between sofa cushions and go to town on it. I laughed and asked if this decades old floor vase had fifty year old dried cum in the bottom of it somewhere, but sadly there’d been a house fire and the vase bit the dust. He never saw it again. In our youth we often find unusual objects to play with. Myself, I can recall a very odd item I used once when I was young. It was one of those miniature hangers that socks come on. Very odd choice, I realize. I flicked my clit back and forth with this miniature plastic hanger.

People do often do strange things that can seem like a good idea at the time, or they see an object that for whatever reason at that particular moment makes them think, “Hmm, I think that might just allow my cock in there,” or similar thoughts. Carving holes in watermelons or pumpkins, banana skins, teddy bears, oh yes, there’s no shortage of defiled stuffed animals out there. A vase though, that is unique. Not soft, not warm, cold and hard, but with a hole. Someone else told me about a knot hole in a fence that had come out and well, I’m sure you can imagine what they put in the knot hole. All I could think of was, “What about splinters?” Desperate times call for desperate measures.